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Marriage
A little background: I'm a Pakistani girl and in my culture and community everyone just HAVE to be married off. If they're not then something is said to be 'wrong' with them. Lets just say the treatment is cruel. Sure the black sheep treatment is way more intense on a girl than on a guy, but it's there.
I have a sister older than me by 2 years. Ever since she reached the marriage-age my mother, her friends and our extended family are all talking about her upcoming nuptials. Oh congrats are not in order yet. For now mom is looking for potential husbands. Occasionally some families come over to visit and my sister dresses up and makes an appearance. The usual. I hope she gets married or else people will start nagging mom and my sister, wondering why she isn't, gossiping and spreading vicious rumors, as is usual in Pakistani families. My sister is a lovely person and I hope the very best for her. Everyone else can shove their comments up their ass.
Now the problem: Fast forward two years and copy paste all that here, except replace sister with Me. My mother's ultimate mission in life is to have her daughters married off as soon as possible so she can 'unburden' herself. Unfortunately for her, I'm gay and I have no intention of getting married. My inevitable -for her - marriage is brought up every alternate day. I'm ignoring it for now, but not for much longer. God. The pressure is horrible. And I know for certain that this is going to get ugly. What can I do till then? Can I soften the blow somehow, Set boundaries? What??
Edel
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I agree with what Arrows said. The best way is to keep yourself busy. I have a friend who isn't married (straight, reason is different) but she's working on making a good life for herself and you gotta respect her for that. My mother does and I think that if we, women, do so then we'll be respected too. And, not to mention, independence means you can live apart from your parents if you want to.
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Sign UpHuma
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Thanks guys for responding. Keeping myself busy, now that's a good idea. And I can work hard, earn enough and move out too, if need be. Easier said, but it can be done! I do feel bad for my mother who hopes dearly that I get married and it's sad that she'll never know the one I love. That said, I'm not going to come out to my family. I don't feel like they need to know about this. They really, really don't. If they were the accepting kind then it would have been different. But they're not and I doubt I'll ever be in the mood to face their hate.
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Sign Upkuwaitilove
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My suggestion is to succeed in your personal life, enough until you would have earned your independence in a way. She might not worry too much about who will take care of you if you prove to her sooner than later than you can take very good care of yourself. I've been in the same position and this is my only way out of it. I know it will keep our parents unhappy, as if they failed us or something but that would be their problem now would it? They will just have to accept that.
Huma
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But then again, if I'm independent enough then they will have no choice but to accept that I'll be living my life, my way and there is nothing that can be done about that.
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Sign UpAwktopus
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Exactly. So I don't think you should worry or think too much about your mother desperately wanting to marry you off but just like kuwaitilove said, focus on proving that you can make it on your own instead.
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Sign Upskyflake
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if you respect your family more than you respect yourself it will be very hard for you to be happy or to work your way to independence / success. you need to focus on your own future and forget about what everyone else keeps expecting from you.
Huma
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Going a different way from everybody else's is hard and I accept that. I am working on being as independent as I can be but I'm so worried. It's not realistic for me to expect people to somehow go with the whole 'I'm happy alone' argument. They'll wonder whether I have a guy on the side, and what about when someone whispers the L word into my mother's ear?
I really need a game plan that will allow my mother to come out as unscathed as possible after everything blows up.
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Sign UpSamir82
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Don't think up a game plan, it's her issue to deal with, not yours. Be close to her and avoid this topic at all costs. It is a manageable problem to have.
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